I feel that 2012 was a watershed year for me in that the difference between it and 2013 will be greater than the difference between any two succeeding years of my life so far. For one thing I resolve not to fret about what people think about me for the strange things I say.
I resolve to haul the last of my skeletons out of the closet. Probably the biggest of those skeletons is my infatuation with death. I hasten to make clear this is NOT a morbid but a metaphysical infatuation. And yet it is very, very real, and certainly affects how I live my life. For to me, death is the most bottom-line, most compelling fact of life, and how we deal with the fact, how we respond it it, colors every aspect of who we are from despair to ecstasy.
I guess I am saying that the circumstances of my life—and of all life—are not as important to me as my existential attitude toward death. Because I know I will be disembodied a lot longer than I have been human, and my humanity is a training ground, as it were, for my disembodiment (life is a rehearsal for death), and the ecstasy I attain to now—some may call it enlightenment—will certainly determine my eternity.
I dont care how heavy this sounds to those who would rather discuss what they had for lunch—actually, no reason such a discussion could not be poetry and hence part of one’s training for death—since I have resolved to deal with the issues I care about and that affect me deepest in my own way. And to share that in my blog and in the books I publish for those who just might give a damn.
The fact is, none of us knows when we are going to die, so does it not make sense to live and speak as if we are going to die tomorrow? Well, someone wiser than me might say, no, it doesnt since there is no difference between life and death. Wouldnt that be mud in my eye!